By Zoe
"I will praise You, because I have been
fearfully and wonderfully made"
fearfully and wonderfully made"
(Psalm 139:14, NIV)
Have you ever felt depressed, lonely, overwhelmed, or wondered what the meaning of your life is? I became fully aware of the effects of sin in my life by age 35. I realized I had managed to violate all Ten Commandments. I felt as if I was sinking in a raging sea of depression and anger.
Events in my life that resulted in built-up anger and depression included divorce, abortion, miscarriages, addictions (which were my escapes), loss of home, bankruptcy, and relocating 5 different times with the railroad and the Army within a 6 year period. I felt overwhelmed by the guilt, shame, loss, and bitterness that were rooted from my sin and the emotional pain that accompanied it. But, while life’s disappointments can be endless, there is Good News. The Good News is that we are not supposed to carry our burdens on our own. Jesus died on the cross for our sins. He paid the price of our sins, that we may be forgiven and freed from captivity. Through Jesus’ sacrifice, we are offered forgiveness and the gift of salvation and eternal life. He created us to be in relationship with Him. We are called by our Heavenly Father to ask Jesus into our hearts and to trust Him with our lives. To trust Him with our live means to surrender all to Him, allowing Him to be in control of our lives.
I grew up going to the Catholic Church and going to Catholic schools. I learned a lot of religion, but not enough about having a personal relationship with my Creator. It wasn’t until I hit rock bottom that I realized I needed to make some changes in my life. For the first time in my life I acknowledged that I was a sinner in need of a Savior. I felt so overwhelmed that there were times I would cry out to the Lord and ask Him to just take my life. I did not want to live anymore. I could not function. I felt paralyzed. I resorted to alcohol, cigarettes, and, occasionally, to marijuana as my escapes to numb the pain. Escapes numb our pain, they don't heal it. As a result, I lost myself completely and dug a deeper hole for myself. Anxiety filled my veins. I felt like the life was being sucked out of me. You see, our enemy, the Devil, is on a mission to destroy us. He is a liar and his strategy is to attack our minds by filling them with lies and making us question God’s goodness and faithfulness and pointing us toward independence from God, instead of dependence on Him. The devil “comes to steal and kill and destroy” us (John 10:10), making us feel defeated, unworthy, and abandoned by God.
God does not abandon His children. He pursues us and hears our cry. He promises to “never leave us or forsake us” (Deuteronomy 31:6-8). His Word tells us that “His grace is enough” (2 Corinthians 12:9), that He is “our refuge and strength” (Psalm 46:1), and not to fear because He “is with us wherever we go” (Joshua 1:9). When I couldn’t feel His presence in my life, it wasn’t because He had abandoned me. It was because I had abandoned Him. I was running from Him instead of to Him. But God does not give up on His children. He persisted to pursue me and be a constant presence in my life. When I reflect on all the times He tried to get my attention, I realize that I was just simply not paying attention or felt unworthy of His grace. I was too busy trying to do it all in my own strength rather than relying on His strength.
Well God got my full attention on Easter Sunday 2007. For the first time in my life I fully understood His sovereignty and my need for Him. It was the first time I understood that being a good person is not what saves us and gets us into heaven. Salvation, spending eternity with God instead of separated from Him, cannot be earned by good deeds and good conduct. It is a gift from God that we receive through our faith in Jesus Christ. “For God so loved the world that He gave His One and Only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16).
On Sunday, April 8, 2007, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I was one of the many people who crossed the bridge that was set up on the altar that day, symbolizing the transition from our old ways (relying on self) toward a new life (relying on God). I followed with believer's baptism on June 24, 2007 at the age of 35.
God has transformed my heart and my life from the inside out. I have learned that I cannot change others, but I can make changes in me. I have experienced “God’s peace that surpasses all understanding” (Philippians 4:7). I am now able to thank God “in all things” (Romans 8:28), even during the trials, because nothing I go through in this life will ever compare to the sacrifice Jesus made for me on the cross.
God does not want us to get comfortable in our faith. He wants to stretch our faith and get us outside of our comfort zones in order to purify our hearts and refine our faith. He wants us to draw closer to Him and to trust in His plan for our lives. He wants us to trust that He is in control, in His provision, that He goes before us in all we do, and that He will strengthen our faith and our character along the way. I have learned that I need to trust God and “not to rely in my own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5-6); that I do not need to understand the “why” of everything. God's Word is alive and does not come back void.
In order to know who we are and our purpose, we need to get to know our Creator. God is love and in the business of healing, restoring, and transforming lives. I am now able to love and forgive in the way He has loved and forgiven me, unconditionally. God has blessed me with a godly and loving husband and two healthy and beautiful children. And, one by one, He has restored broken relationships in my life. He is at work in my life in ways I never imagined possible. He is at work even now, as I write this testimony, reaching out to someone who might be able to identify with my experience. God wants you to come to Him as you are. All you have to do is ask Him into your heart and take Him at His Word. He tells us to, “take My yoke upon you...and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Matthew 11:29-30). I have witnessed God’s unconditional love and transforming power in my life. I believe that Jesus is “the Way, the Truth, and the Life” (John 14: 6).
I am no longer a prisoner of my sin, living under guilt and shame. “My chains are gone, I've been set free. My God, My Savior has ransomed me. And like a flood, His mercy reigns. Unending love, Amazing Grace” (Amazing Grace). “I am a new creation in Christ. The old way of living has disappeared. A new way of living has come into existence” (2 Corinthians 5: 16-18). There is freedom in Christ. And, friend, that is Good News!
POWER VERSES
Philippians 4:13 ~ “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
James 1: 2-3, NIV ~ "Whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.”
2 Corinthians 12: 9-10, NIV ~ “My power is perfect in your weakness… That is why, in Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians 1: 3-4, NIV ~ “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves received from God.”
Dear Lord, thank you for Your gift of salvation, a gift that cannot be earned. I am saved by Your grace alone, through faith in Your Son Jesus, who paid the debt for all sinners (for my sin) on the cross. Please keep me mindful of Jesus' ultimate expression of love on the cross and that my past does not define who I am or my future. Please give me the wisdom, courage, and confidence to trust You and to walk in victory, knowing that my identity is in Christ alone. In Jesus’ name, Amen and thank You Lord.
