"Treating Others How You Wish To Be Treated"

By Zoe

"Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience" (Colossians 3:12, NIV)


What would it look like if the people in your life were to treat you in the same way you treat them? Whether it is a family member, a close friend, or a perfect stranger, how would they treat you based on how you treat them? What do your actions and words toward others reflect about the condition of your heart?

I recently witnessed a middle-aged man, accompanied by his wife, verbally humiliate a hostess at a restaurant in front of dozens of people simply because he was tired of waiting for a table. I initially thought to myself, “Then leave…hello?!” Then I wondered how this man would have felt if someone would have humiliated him in the same way he humiliated that young lady who was clearly doing the best she could to accommodate him.

Following this incident, I felt compelled to write something that would encourage and challenge others, myself included, to be self-aware of how we treat others based on our emotions. I invite you to join me in this journey of self-evaluation and increased awareness of how we treat and respond to the unloving ways of others. I mean, think about it, nobody makes us act this way or that way. It is a choice that we make depending on the condition of our hearts. And the condition of our hearts will depend on our present (or absent) relationship with God.

We automatically love those who love us in return. It is easy to love those people, but what about those who reject us or mistreat us? What about the ones we have poured our love into and suddenly they give us the cold shoulder or they betray us in some way or another? What will we choose to do then? As I thought about it, I reflected on this simple message from Luke 6:31, "Treat others the same way you want them to treat you.”

In Proverbs 18:21, Solomon tells us that, "the tongue has the power of life and death.” The same way words of encouragement can build us up (bringing life to our self-worth), harsh words can tear us down (bringing death to our self-worth). When we are having a bad day, we must identify the root of the problem the moment we recognize we are feeling grumpy, irritable, or frustrated. By identifying the root of the problem, we can refrain from attacking others with a negative attitude and/or hurtful actions and words.

When others fail us, we can make the choice to be better instead of bitter. Now don’t misunderstand me. We are entitled to "feel" our emotions- anger, hurt, or disappointment. We should allow ourselves to feel those emotions. But we are not entitled to "act" on them- treating others based on our emotions alone. When we react out of emotion instead choosing to respond in love, we can cause serious damage to our relationships with others. Love is not just a feeling, but a choice we make; we can make the choice to love others no matter their offense.

God calls us to live in a way that reflects the way He loves us. We must first understand God’s selfless and unconditional love for us if we genuinely desire to love others that way. For those of us who have a desire to be more like Him, we must get into His Word daily. As my 6-year-old daughter says, we need to "exercise our hearts for God" daily. As we get into God's Word and exercise our hearts, we will gain wisdom on how to respond to the unloving ways of others in a Christ-like manner. As we learn how to respond in love and prayer to those who mistreat us, we will experience true joy and peace in your hearts. And I don’t know about you, but I believe that most of us want to experience peace and joy in our hearts and in our lives, along with being loved and feeling appreciated.

I don’t pretend to be the holiest or most spiritual person. I am an ordinary and imperfect person who struggles with every day challenges and who falls short of the glory of God. But I am an ordinary person with an extraordinary God and a genuine desire to love and forgive others in the same way that God has loved and forgiven me.

When we bring ourselves to the foot of the cross, acknowledge that we are imperfect human beings, and acknowledge that we cannot do this life on our own, then we will experience true freedom. When we ask God for forgiveness and ask Him into our hearts, He hears our cry. He will grab on to our hearts and will transform them from the inside out. We won’t even recognize our old selves because the things that used to make us bitter now make us better. We begin to see changes in our attitude and in the way we live our lives. We become a new creation in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17). The way we now respond to the unloving ways of others reflects love, mercy, and compassion toward them. Not utter bitterness and a strong desire for them to suffer in the same way we have suffered as a result of their unloving ways.

While we cannot change the unkind and unjust ways of others, we can make changes in us and still experience the joy and peace that come from doing God’s will. Matthew 5:45-47 (The Message) challenges us to demonstrate love toward our adversaries, “Love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that”.

John C. Maxwell, author of “Think On These Things”, explains how, “people are known not by how they act when they’re in control, but by how they react when things are beyond their control.” It is at that moment, when things are beyond our control, that we can make the conscious decision to allow our Christ-like character to shine. May we have enough wisdom and humility to choose to love regardless of what we receive in return.









Dear Lord, when things are beyond my control and others don’t treat me right, please help me to choose “to be better” not “bitter”. Please give me the wisdom and strength to love the unlovable. Please help me to love and to forgive them in the same way You have loved and forgiven me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.